Dear Santa,

Now that I am of age to take this whole ordeal seriously, we can talk on equal terms. Santa, I know how your operations are going. I set up several battalions around the perimeter of your northern base. And don't even try to escape with your "magic sled" as we also have cannons stationed outside your base. Now for the demands... I'm going to need some toed shoes. Not to mention some gift cards so I can buy more things and you don't even have to give a thought. Last thing would be a 1080p definition LCD TV. You better heed my demands or Mrs. Claus and the elves are gonna be sent back in candy-bags! I'm sorry it had to come to this but you have eluded me for too long. No longer will I be discriminated for being on the Naughty List. Thanks in advance for working with us.

Sincerely, Walker Williams

P.S. Don't try to pull anything next year, I've got a list of my own, and checking it twice!

Airport Security, Yay or Nay?

To be honest, I'm with the screening and pat downs. Albeit I am probably biased seeing as I don't travel much by plane. Precautionary measures should be taken to prevent a terrorist attack. It is a serious invasion of privacy, but whatever it takes to ensure the safety and security of our country.

Ambrosial

Turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie, oh my! Thanksgiving is right around the corner meaning we're going to be eating good and writing blogs about it. Its a given that I'm thankful for family members(rarely), the whichever food I'm eating at the moment, and the invention of chocolate milk. Runner ups in the thankfulness challenge could be electricity, computers, THE INTERNET, my ultra-soft bed, my truck, the Thanksgiving break, and the moon for reasons not listed.

Wanna buy so-*cough* *cough* some cigs man?...

You could have pictures on the back of every box, an all out ad campaign against it, or even pass a bill to make it illegal, There will always be people who will use cigarettes. When those people get cigarettes, they can suppress almost anything. Even at the back of their mind they might be telling themselves to stop, but its an addiction. People know cigarettes are bad, they just don't know how bad. Don't smoke, or Smokey the bear will hunt you down and bite you right in the jugular.

Mcdonalds not having a healthy meal? Ridiculous!

   To be honest, Mcdonalds has never had a healthy meal. But I won't lie to you, those Happy-Meal toys are pretty tantalizing. If Mcdonalds is being forced to not have toys in their Happy-Meals until they up the nutritional value, this could actually be a turning point. Mcdonalds is spread all around the world. If they could make one Mcdonalds change for the better, than maybe they all could. If they could have a healthy meal with a toy that's also affordable, than it could spike a worldwide change in lifestyle. The promise of a toy is enough to make a kid stomach their lunch. But if they have to work at eating their meal, at least it should be healthy.

My Favorite Dinner

To be honest, my favorite meal would be a little of everything I've ever loved. A slice of pepperoni pizza with zing, some buttery mashed potatoes, a bowl of juicy shrimp and some amazing Alfredo-sauce covered noodles. Add a tall glass of extra-ordinary chocolate milk, some ambrosial Five-layer-delight for dessert, and I have myself the perfect meal! Now some people might complain that it's "gross" or "You don't eat those things together," or "Dude that's going to wreck your bowels!" But nevertheless, I will eat it.

Time Travel?

My theory is that it's impossible. It's already been proven by scientist that time travel is near impossible. The only way would be for one "time machine" built in one time and the other being built either in the past or future. However, the multiverse theory states that there is an infinite amount of universes with every possible outcome. So rather than time travel, that woman could have come from a different universe with advanced technology, but the same time-line. Possibly, if technology is that advanced, cell phone signals are apparently trans-dimensional.

Hummingbird

The hummingbird would be a pretty cool animal to be! Being able to fly around at high speeds would definitely outweigh the disadvantages. Its not like the hummingbird has any predators, or very big ones at least. The only fly in the ointment I can think of would be the incredibly short lifespan. Although I bet nectar taste really good...

Slippy

I would definitely name this penguin Slippy for his keen ability to escape the scene of the crime. Batman has his hands full with this "penguin!"


Also  Mrs Waters, was this the blog post or just extra credit? Either way, its still late.

Mining Melancholy

We've been trapped in this mine for a good month or so. I've lost track of time since we've been down here but they've started sending food and water down a tube that will keep us alive...for now. They also  told us we would be able to get a few items sent down of our choosing. While it was painfully obvious that we would be down here for awhile, I decided I would ask for some of my most prized possesions. My Xbox, a jug of chocolate milk, a radio wired from the surface, and the complete 8th season of Family Guy. The Xbox, radio, and DVD compilation are self-explanatory, we're going to be trapped in the mine for a large amount of time, might as well enjoy it. The chocolate milk is needed just because the sweet taste "soothes the pain."

“Attention passengers, please fasten your seat belt for we need to make an emergency landing.” The sound of the lady over the loudspeaker boomed as the air-mask fell from the ceiling. I was on my way to Ontario, Canada to take pictures for the 2011 Canadian Supermodel Bikini Calendar, when the plane started having engine failure. “Well this sucks!” Said a rather large, corpulent woman. traveling from Tokyo, Japan, having just taking pictures for the 2011 Japanese Supermodel Bikini Calendar we had to make an emergency landing in the ocean. We were losing altitude quickly. I tightened my seatbelt, feeling gravity take it’s toll. I was incredibly nervous, despite the butterflies in my stomach. We hit the ground hard. I could barely hold my head up. We were just floating there in the water for about 2 hours until rescue helicopters came. Feeling relieved that we had made it out safely, I figured I would have to call the girls and tell them I might be late. I pulled out my cellphone, dialed their managers number, and realized she was on speakerphone with the whole group.

“Oh ladies...”

My Perfect Day

    My perfect day would begin with me sleeping in until 12 o' clock. I would start the day with a nice, scalding hot, shower Next I would just lay around lazily for about an hour until I got hungry. Then I would feast upon delectable chicken quesadilla. Feeling full and ready to tackle the day, I would go out and meet my good buddy J.K. Rowling, who coincidentally has a pet unicorn named Sparkles. Not the girly kind, but the kind with black hair, an unusually sharp horn that could cut through steel, and long purple curls of  doom. J.K. let me take Sparkles out for a spin. As we reached liftoff, I could already tell this was my perfect day. Oh, and did I mention Sparkles could shoot lasers? Roaming the countryside was fun, especially on a flying purple haired laser shooting unicorn of doom. But everyday has to end sometime. As we touched down, I thanked J.K. for the ride, walked home, and hit the bed. HARD.