Raccoon for Life

My name is Alexander McFluffyface. I'm a cat on the edge who doesn't like to be messed with. I was driven to a gang of coons called the Rowdy Raccoons because of the shame my name has brought me. The Rowdy Raccoons were a vicious gang who didn't accept anyone but other raccoons. I could easily bypass this because I was a master of disguise. Once in, I started doing jobs to get a little moo-lah. My first job had me working with two coons named George and Lennie. They were almost like complete opposites. George was a small and conniving raccoon while Lennie was  a big, blunt, and stupid raccoon. Me and George clashed a bit, but we were on equal terms when it came to dealing with Lennie. After getting to know eachother it was time to begin our job. We were tasked with stealing the Diamond Plot Device while fighting off ninjas. Now, I know the Rowdy Raccoons were pretty bad dudes, but man they are some crazy pheasant pluckers. Breaking into the Museum that housed the diamond was kitten's play. All three of us gathered around. "Here I come!" a voice ejaculated from behind us. Dismissing the hilarious sexual innuendo, we proceed to make a 180 and beat the tar out of the lone ninja. With him unconscious, we quickly nabbed the diamond and hauled tail out of there back to the base. Little did I know this was only the first of many job.